Life has thrown me quite a few curve balls, and while I am no athlete, I do try and catch them all. Lately, however, I have not been able to keep up the balancing act nor do I manage to juggle. Instead, I have chosen to let some of the balls drop for my own mental health.
I feel as though I am a failure in a lot of ways: no job, stressing about my first test of the semester, etc. etc. I feel sorry for myself a lot, and I have a lot of bad dreams still. The PTSD is still haunting me, and I feel like I’m a long way to success. But then, I look and see how far I’ve come, and I try not to be so hard on myself. Sometimes, we really need to see ourselves as we were to see how far we have come.
For example, five years ago, I was cowering in my bathroom, afraid of the Big Bad Dragon Boy who was going to blow down my house. I thought it was normal to get my head bashed in for not doing the chores I had set out to do. I could barely get through a day without throwing up. I worried about how I would pay rent or afford groceries.
Now, I live with and love someone who makes me feel safe, protected, happy.
I know times have changed, I know things are getting better, but sometimes, I just have to let a couple of the balls drop for my own sanity. So, in short, I will be updating again soon; it’s just been a very stressful time for me lately, and this is one of the things I had to let go of for my own peace.
I’m sorry if you felt neglected. I’m sorry if you’ve missed me, but my sanity has been fraying, and I’ve been needing some “me” time.