You know those dark, scary woods they show in Disney movies? The ones where tree limbs waggle at you ominously? And every limb is out to get you, every branch is a disaster. Every critter that was so sweet in the daytime is now a monster with yellow eyes sneering in the midnight black. The entire world you thought you knew it’s turned into a nightmare right after the sun sets. I created a forest like that in my own mind.
His love was somehow inverted. I turned his beautiful eyes into nightmares. I changed him into a monster. The darkness polluted every thought I had. It changed the beauty that I so desperately worked for into something ugly, hideous, grotesque. I began shoving him away and telling him all the reasons he would be better off without me. I contemplated this stack of pills in the bathroom medicine cabinet. I sobbed like I haven’t cried in a long time. I wondered how far I have really come versus what people tell me. I cried and cried and cried. I looked at myself in the mirror. I saw the ugly monster I hadn’t seen in years. I wondered why people even love me. I really hope that I can claw my way out of this forest of perpetual night and somehow manage to see the sun rise over the horizon once more.