Shadow Ceremony

There is a concept I read about last year called a shadow wedding.  Basically it is an exchange of vows between husband and wife before they marry, consisting of naming out all their flaws openly so that they can go into their marriage with their eyes open, or as the creators of this particular ceremony say,

“…partners face one another and speak their intention and commitment — only in this case, they are speaking on behalf of their shadow sides.

Perhaps one of the most memorable and healing aspects of the ritual is the closing of the vows, in which partners choose and commit to each other inclusive of all that has just been spoken. This is a big moment! Being accepted in this way can be a life-changing experience.”

While I don’t think I would want to make a ceremony of this, I do think it would be cathartic to host my own shadow wedding here on WordPress, making a point to bring to the forefront all the flaws I am aware I have and find an honest, therapeutic way of sharing those with you, my readers.  I can either be accepted for my flaws that encompass who I am, or I can end up writing this blog for myself only.  So, without further ado, welcome to my shadow ceremony (I don’t feel right calling it a wedding, considering I’m the only one who is revealing my shadow self).

I, Lucie Guerre, fully admit to the following.  I am selfish.  Over the years, I have learned that selfishness can be both good and bad.  I find a balance in all things is necessary, yet I try to lean on the positive side of selfishness.  I feel if you are too selfless, you lose yourself in self-sacrifice and people’s gratitude is hardly a reward for giving of yourself 100% of the time, so I’m selfish in some respects.  I make this sound like a positive trait, but I know it can serve me negatively.  I get angry when things are not going my way always.  For example, I don’t like having the TV on while I am writing, as I prefer listening to music or silence when I write; however, this is a selfish desire when my boyfriend wants to watch a soccer game or a TV show he really likes.  Nonetheless, I find myself sulking when I don’t get my way.

I am hot-tempered.  Usually my boyfriend and I have calm, cool discussions about things, but I notice I grow heated very quickly if I don’t have him around to keep me calm and level-headed.  It is in my nature to be hot-tempered.  At work, if I find the slightest of things offensive, whether it be a manager’s disapproval over how I decorated some bread pudding or a customer is rude when addressing me, I can stew and steam over it until eventually like a balloon with too much air filling it, I explode.

I have been known to be capricious.  My moods shift and fluctuate.  I am volatile and moody.  I am willing to accept these things if you are willing to accept them as well.

I can be immature and carry on jokes too far.  I sometimes feel like being silly and make ridiculous jokes.  I sometimes associate with people younger than me, and their immature nature can rub off on me.

I’m honest to a fault. I tell it like it is, and I try to be tactful, but there are times I just say what I want to say without being tactful. I try not to say things I’ll regret, but I can’t always help that.

So that’s my shadow ceremony of what I can think of right now. Love me or leave me, but this is who I am.

-L.G.

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